My heart and mind are focused on those nearest to me, who struggle as we all do, with the problems and obstacles they encounter as they sacrifice and wear themselves out to do the RIGHT thing. There seems to be a common thread among the cries I hear from my adult children: “I am trying SO HARD to do what I think the Lord wants me to do yet despite all my sacrifice and effort, I am not getting the result I want (and feel I have earned.) I am working so much harder to do the right thing than people I compare my life to and THEY have it easier and/or better. I can’t see any way things will work out in the end. I’m exhausted; I have nothing to look forward to; I feel alone, abandoned; I have no basis for hope.” Myself, having lived longer, have experienced the same emotions. I found the emotions contrary to peace and progress.
My response to my children has always been to try to encourage by sharing with them principles I have learned in my personal suffering. My intent is to give them hope and coping skills. I am still learning that I it is my personal perspective and personal faith (trust) in a loving Heavenly Father that will give me the hope, strength and direction to move forward and eventually triumph over all because of the gift of the Atonement of our self-less Savior, Christ Jesus. (John 16:33: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”)
I repeat, my intent is always to point out that we may not see the way out of our misery but Heavenly Father does. He sees and understands the whole picture; and since his only motivation is love, we can trust him implicitly to bless us according to our needs. My personal experience has demonstrated that the Lord always opens a door when I have done what I can and can see no way out. My personal experience leads me to understand that there are no coincidences in life. The Lord is in control and even when I try to grab the steering wheel and am left for a time to “kick against the pricks” as was Saul (Acts 9:5), He has reached after me.
This is my intent as I respond to my children- not to wallow in despair with them- but to help them see the light ahead. It was in this state of mind that I wrote the following words to one of my children (while thinking them appropriate for several of them whom had cried out in anguish this week.)
Heavenly Father sent us here to be tested and I don't think we understood how difficult it would be when we all shouted for joy. (Job 38:7) What I think we did understand was the purpose of the suffering that was ahead of us. We knew what Eternal Life meant and were willing to endure the refining fire to develop our divine nature. Justice was NOT EVER promised in this life because there would be no test AND NO GROWTH if it were. It has to be the vision of what awaits us upon returning home that keeps us going.
It helps me to repeat to myself (and I have done this for years) the promise given to Joseph who was sold into Egypt, ended up in prison for 2 years for refusing to sin, etc. The scripture says that "the LORD was with him, and that which he did, the LORD made it to prosper," and to Joseph Smith, "if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good." That is what I meant about having the faith to trust in the Lord. He can turn whatever tangled mess we are in to benefit us. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know us, know what we need and how to guide us to Eternal Life. Through the Savior, the demands of justice will be met and MERCY will swallow up all the pain of this life. We can trust them. Their only motivation is pure, unselfish love for us. When I could not sleep for agony over my children and I was angry at Dad because he could sleep, he told me he slept because he had done all he could and he placed each of you in the Lord's hands and he trusts God.
We are individually known by Heavenly Father. William Barclay testified: "When we believe that God is Father, we also believe that such a father’s hand will never cause his child a needless tear. We may not understand life any better, but we will not resent life any longer." He went on to say: “We will often find compensation if we think more of what life has given us and less about what life has taken away.”
I feel what I tried to share is true and will bring peace and hope. However, my children are not comforted by anything I say. Perhaps, like Saul of the New Testament and Alma of the Book of Mormon, we all need to learn by our own experience. Perhaps, they want me to listen only. I try to listen but I cannot keep my mouth shut when I hear their thought processes spiraling downward in despair. Only worldly wisdom sees no glorious end to the darkness. There is no worldly view that spawns hope. This life must only be seen in context of eternity.
My atheist father always said, “Life is Hard and then you die.” I believe that is absolutely true. What my father did NOT know is that Life is Hard to reveal the divine nature within us and prepare us for Eternal Life. Glorious consequences flow from our suffering and refining in this tiny speck of mortality; “And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” (D&C 121: 8)
I know I cannot reinforce self-pity, the victim or martyr mentality but how do I inspire the will to move forward with all the creative problem-solving skills they have and trust God for the rest?
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