Yearning Prayer

I committed parts of an article to memory when I was about 15 or 16 and those words came to mind today as I was pondering.  It was written by Truman Madsen, a former professor  at Brigham Young University, my alma mater.  He was a great speaker and writer.  This essay he wrote on prayer has been a powerful guide in my life and I hope it will be so for others who may find and read it here also.

YEARNING PRAYER

by 

Truman G. Madsen

 (http://trumanmadsen.com/bio.php)

            They say it on one way or another, those who really know about prayer:  Only yearning prayer gets through.    But there are three kinds of yearning.

            We yearn when we mean what we say.  But is that enough when we are asking the impossible, or when what we are asking is, if we could only see, for our ill?

            We yearn when we care terribly.  But is that enough when what we care for, however desperately, is a fist-shaking fixation that presumes God envisions less what is needed than we?

            We yearn, finally, when we do not only mean and care intensely, but when at the core we are as anxious to listen as to ask.  We yearn when we will to abide counsels already given, and to respond to him and his way in his way.

            So long as we are set in our uninspired desires, not moldable, we must break our hearts before we can pray from them.  So need we wonder why the heavens are often "like brass over our heads?"

            This is the beginning of communion with the highest of personalities, God and his Son Jesus Christ; of higher ways of seeing and feeling, as it were, through their eyes.

            This is a life-process, not a five-minute thing.  But it is often closer in youth than in maturity.  Youth may keenly grasp the truth:  that even at our best we are like the blind boy who walks with his friend.  He does not believe, nor bluff, that he is self-sufficient.  Instead he responds to the slightest nudge.  (If you would know the power of God try, early in life, to become just this dependable in your dependence.)

            As this happen, the whole of us becomes the instrument that vibrates upwardly.  No special words are need, no force tone of voice, and no dramatic play-acting.

            Then we begin to recognize the "first answers" to our prayers-the answers that always come before the others.

            What are these?

            They are subtle flashes that register within.  And they are real.  They center "in your mind and in you heart" (D&C8:2) (Ezekial 40:4) and are, therefore, a perfect blend of thought and feeling   They come with a serene flow of power that is light, and warmth, and liquid surety.  They whisper a "Yes," or a "No," a "Wait," or a "Be still," a "Trust," or an "Act well thy part."

            This is what a modern young prophet calls "breaking the ice" and "obtaining the Holy Spirit" which causes  "the bosom to burn."  He says that much emptying ourselves of unworthiness and much filling ourselves with concentration precedes it.  He says we should strive to stay on our knees until it happens.

            And how do you know that this "burning" is of God?  Maybe it is just hope, guess, or wish.

            You know by the quiet verdict of your own inner being.  (And you know just as well when you don't know.)  You know because the haunting "I doubt" and the painful "I fear" are swallowed up in living light.  You arise this time, after many darkened times, tinctured with gratitude.  With the glow comes a lingering love, a knowledge that forges resolve to do what must now be done, and a faith for next time.

            Thus yearning prayer becomes burning prayer, burning-with-the-Spirit prayer.

            Happy is he who prays for and then until and finally with this subtle flame.  For "he that asketh in Spirit shall receive in Spirit."  (D&C 46:28)

Not the Life We Envisioned

My heart and mind are focused on those nearest to me, who struggle as we all do, with the problems and obstacles they encounter as they sacrifice and wear themselves out to do the RIGHT thing.  There seems to be a common thread among the cries I hear from my adult children: “I am trying SO HARD to do what I think the Lord wants me to do yet despite all my sacrifice and effort, I am not getting the result I want (and feel I have earned.)  I am working so much harder to do the right thing than people I compare my life to and THEY have it easier and/or better.  I can’t see any way things will work out in the end.  I’m exhausted; I have nothing to look forward to; I feel alone, abandoned;  I have no basis for hope.”  Myself, having lived longer, have experienced the same emotions.  I found the emotions contrary to peace and progress.  

My response to my children has always been to try to encourage by sharing with them principles I have learned in my personal suffering.  My intent is to give them hope and coping skills.  I am still learning that I it is my personal perspective and personal faith (trust) in a loving Heavenly Father that will give me the hope, strength and direction to move forward and eventually triumph over all because of the gift of the Atonement of our self-less Savior, Christ Jesus.  (John 16:33:  “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”) 

I repeat, my intent is always to point out that we may not see the way out of our misery but Heavenly Father does.  He sees and understands the whole picture; and since his only motivation is love, we can trust him implicitly to bless us according to our needs.  My personal experience has demonstrated that the Lord always opens a door when I have done what I can and can see no way out.  My personal experience leads me to understand that there are no coincidences in life.  The Lord is in control and even when I try to grab the steering wheel and am left for a time to “kick against the pricks” as was Saul (Acts 9:5),  He has reached after me.

This is my intent as I respond to my children-  not to wallow in despair with them- but to help them see the light ahead.  It was in this state of mind that I wrote the following words to one of my children (while thinking them appropriate for several of them whom had cried out in anguish this week.) 

Heavenly Father sent us here to be tested and I don't think we understood how difficult it would be when we all shouted for joy.  (Job 38:7)  What I think we did understand was the purpose of the suffering that was ahead of us.  We knew what Eternal Life meant and were willing to endure the refining fire to develop our divine nature.  Justice was NOT EVER promised in this life because there would be no test AND NO GROWTH if it were.  It has to be the vision of what awaits us upon returning home that keeps us going.

It helps me to repeat to myself (and I have done this for years) the promise given to Joseph who was sold into Egypt, ended up in prison for 2 years for refusing to sin, etc.   The scripture says that "the LORD was with him, and that which he did, the LORD made it to prosper," and to Joseph Smith, "if the very jaws of  hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good."  That is what I meant about having the faith to trust in the Lord.  He can turn whatever tangled mess we are in to benefit us.  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know us, know what we need and how to guide us to Eternal Life.  Through the Savior, the demands of justice will be met and MERCY will swallow up all the pain of this life.  We can trust them.  Their only motivation is pure, unselfish love for us.  When I could not sleep for agony over my children and I was angry at Dad because he could sleep, he told me he slept because he had done all he could and he placed each of you in the Lord's hands and he trusts God.

We are individually known by Heavenly Father.  William Barclay testified: "When we believe that God is Father, we also believe that such a father’s hand will never cause his child a needless tear.  We may not understand life any better, but we will not resent life any longer."  He went on to say: “We will often find compensation if we think more of what life has given us and less about what life has taken away.”

I feel what I tried to share is true and will bring peace and hope.  However, my children are not comforted by anything I say.  Perhaps, like Saul of the New Testament and Alma of the Book of Mormon, we all need to learn by our own experience.  Perhaps, they want me to listen only.  I try to listen but I cannot keep my mouth shut when I hear their thought processes spiraling downward in despair.  Only worldly wisdom sees no glorious end to the darkness.  There is no worldly view that spawns hope.  This life must only be seen in context of eternity. 

My atheist father always said, “Life is Hard and then you die.”  I believe that is absolutely true.  What my father did NOT know is that Life is Hard to reveal the divine nature within us and prepare us for Eternal Life.  Glorious consequences flow from our suffering and refining in this tiny speck of mortality; “And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” (D&C 121: 8)

I know I cannot reinforce self-pity, the victim or martyr mentality but how do I inspire the will to move forward with all the creative problem-solving skills they have and trust God for the rest? 

"I'd Have Shot You Before We Left Maine"

Small Waterfall along the Trail

There is a trail that follows a creek through a narrow canyon in the mountains northeast of my house.  It is one of many creeks and narrow, rugged canyons.  When my children were young, we took them and a couple neighbor kids to explore the trail.  I carried our youngest, a toddler, in a back pack.  The entrance to the narrow canyon trail is reached by climbing a very steep, sandy hill.  The strenuous climb in the sun gave way to a steady incline through deep shade.  The trail became more rugged as we ascended and when we came to a spot where the creek rushed through a narrow gap in the rocks forcing the trail up a 10 foot vertical climb hanging onto roots and branches, I decided it was too much for the younger children and we turned back.  My husband returned with the older children and later he and I hiked the trail together. 

My husband is one who walks steadily towards whatever goal is before him and, with my shorter legs, I fell behind him.  At one point a massive boulder blocks the narrow ravine and the trail disappears into the creek so one must slosh around the boulder before picking up the trail on its back side.  I had made it around the monolith and was crawling up onto the bank when I dislodged a bowling-ball-size rock causing me to fall back so that I found myself sitting in the creek with the bowling ball in my lap.  Once I finally rolled out of the creek and up to the trail, I could no longer see my husband at all so I began running up the trail trying to catch up.  I grew up hiking with my family and KNOW to ALWAYS watch where you are putting your feet and hands- but my hurry to catch up overcame what I KNEW and I was running carelessly until I the warning rattle- I couldn’t see where it was and I knew I should freeze then back away quietly instead of what I did.  My husband heard my screams echoing through the canyon and came running back expecting to see me being dismantled by a bear.  “SNAKE!!!!!!!”  I yelled as he ran into view.  Finally, I had spotted the terrified reptile gliding up the hill desperately trying to get way from the screaming maniac.

My husband slowed his pace, checking to make sure I was keeping up, as we continued upward.  We passed a pretty little waterfall along the way and finally although bruised, wet, muddy and drained from the adrenaline, we came around a bend and stood at the base of a waterfall plummeting over the sheer walls of the box canyon. The sight and sounds of the waterfall were glorious and for a few minutes the strenuous hike and even the snake were forgotten. 

Today in church, a woman shared her journey from her home in Maine across the country to her new home.  She admitted that she complained mightily even in the relative comfort she enjoyed in a rented, air-conditioned truck compared to the wagon and handcart companies of the Mormon (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) Pioneers.  She said her husband commented that if he had had to make the journey with a handcart, he would have shot her before they got out of Maine.  We all laughed.  But it struck a cord with me.  She then explained that it was because her cross-country experience and her contemplation of the handcart pioneers that her favorite hymn was, Come, Come Ye Saints.   The hymn was written by William Clayton to buoy up the spirits of the weary pioneers who had been persecuted and driven from their homes because of their religious beliefs.  The text is as follows:

1. Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;

But with joy wend your way.

Though hard to you this journey may appear,

Grace shall be as your day.

’Tis better far for us to strive

Our useless cares from us to drive;

Do this, and joy your hearts will swell—

All is well! All is well!

2. Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?

’Tis not so; all is right.

Why should we think to earn a great reward

If we now shun the fight?

Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.

Our God will never us forsake;

And soon we’ll have this tale to tell—

All is well! All is well!

3. We’ll find the place which God for us prepared,

Far away in the West,

Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;

There the Saints will be blessed.

We’ll make the air with music ring,

Shout praises to our God and King;

Above the rest these words we’ll tell—

All is well! All is well!

4. And should we die before our journey’s through,

Happy day! All is well!

We then are free from toil and sorrow, too;

With the just we shall dwell!

But if our lives are spared again

To see the Saints their rest obtain,

Oh, how we’ll make this chorus swell—

All is well! All is well!

Text: William Clayton, 1814–1879

The phrase “with joy wend your way” stood out to me as I contemplated the text today.  The pathway back to our Heavenly Father is a strenuous climb over sharp rocks and massive boulders. There are thorns, mosquitoes, bears and snakes along the route.  Still, when we choose to “with joy wend our way” and  “to strive our useless cares from us to drive,” I think not only will we find, through grace, strength for the journey but also our spouses will not have the impulse to “shoot us before we even get out of Maine.”  It occurred to me that I can either be the wind beneath my husband’s wings or a millstone tied around his neck.  Life is supposed to be a test and a refiner’s fire to reveal our true nature and make us fit for the Kingdom.  When we focus on where we are going and WHY and seek to “bear each other up,” there is joy in the journey and hope as we consider the glories of eternity.  There is so much more that a magnificent waterfall this trail’s end.