Misunderstood

Few things make one feel more alone than being misunderstood- having one's motives, intentions or actions misconstrued, twisted or totally misread. An analogy taught in a college class about communication skills has stuck with me through the years. We were told to imagine ourselves in a windowless room. We had no way to communicate with others in the windowless rooms next door and down the hall from us and we would live our lives in those rooms, never seeing the interiors of the rooms next to us. We could communicate the contents of our own personal rooms and what transpires there by tapping on the walls or by phone. The room is the analogy for our minds. Try as we might, we may come close to communicating with others but we will never truly see the inside of another's room as we see our own.

John Kehoe: “Each of us naturally assumes that we see the events and circumstances of our life as they actually are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world and ourselves in it, not as it is, but as we are, as we are conditioned to see it. We see it through the lens of who and what we are. To know this is to know something great, for no one gets to view the world without a lens (a perspective colored by beliefs, expectations and past experiences). Our mind processes all experience through this filter, and often that experience gets misinterpreted in the process. Discovering and seeing what is really going on in our life is actually far trickier than you might suppose. In fact it is almost impossible, for one never gets to view the world without a lens (perspective). The best we can do is exchange different lenses (viewpoints, beliefs), and decide which is more accurate, or at least which one feels right, much the same way as going for an eye exam to discover the right lens to counteract an eye deficiency.”

As Kehoe proposes, we may consider the viewpoints of others to more clearly understand the contents of their room. But human viewpoints may never represent the whole truth. Perhaps the key to finding common understanding is for each party to seek to come to the Lord's view. It is not a choice between my way or your way but a choice for each of us to seek the Lord's way. Perhaps the closest we come to being of one mind, is when we live the gospel of Jesus Christ with an honest heart, seeking the spirit of the Lord to guide our thoughts and desires. Paul admonished the Philippians: "Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in ONE spirit, with ONE mind striving together for the faith of the gospel" Philip. 1: 27 We we find ourselves anxiously engaged in working side-by-side with others in bringing to pass the purposes of our God, perhaps I have peeked into your room, and you into mine. So the next time I feel isolated and unable to communicate the goings-on in my room, perhaps, I will remember that God sees my room and invites us all to join Him in his exalted room where we will all see and know together.